Saturday, October 11, 2008

Unusual dairy practices...and a contest!

In response to a question from Anne: You can submit as many names as you want. Each one will be considered separately. And thanks for humoring me in this - I am so excited, it's ridiculous.

Our Saturday night fun comes from laughing about this article from the Chicago Tribune. Tell me this is a joke...PLEASE let this be a joke. Continue reading after the article...

In a highly unusual break from the normally sane and practical modus operandi of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, the animals' rights organization has petitioned the successful and highly visible ice cream maker Ben & Jerry's to replace the cow's milk they use in their ice cream products with human breast milk.
PETA's request comes in the wake of news reports that a Swiss restaurant owner will begin purchasing breast milk from nursing mothers and substituting breast milk for 75 percent of the cow's milk in the food he serves. PETA officials say a move to human breast milk would lessen the suffering of dairy cows and their babies on factory farms and benefit human health.
"The fact that human adults consume huge quantities of dairy products made from milk that was meant for a baby cow just doesn't make sense," says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. "Everyone knows that 'the breast is best,' so Ben & Jerry's could do consumers and cows a big favor by making the switch to breast milk."
It's hard to argue that 'the breast is best,' so I polled the office for some ideas for flavors that Ben & Jerry's might make with human breast milk.
How would you like to wrap your lips around a scoop of: 'Titty Tiramisu' or maybe, 'Mammary Macadamia Nut.' If that doesn't titillate you, you might want to try, 'Fudgie Juggs', 'Nippley Neapolitan', or 'Racky Road?'

I'm just going to zip my lips about all the unethical practices PETA suggests imposing on human mothers, because it is quite obvious none of the members of PETA have ever produced milk themselves. Otherwise, they would never even dream of petitioning Ben & Jerry's for such a thing. But what I am going to open up for is...a blog contest. I have secretly always wanted to do a blog contest. So here it is. Whoever can come up with the best name (Andrew and I will be the judges) for an ice cream made of breast milk will win: 5 ready-to-use Christmas cards, handmade with love by none other than moi. I know it's a small, insignificant prize, but humor me. It will be fun. The contest will close on Friday, October 17th at 9pm Pacific Time. So, as my elementary teachers always used to say, put your thinking caps on! Contest starts NOW!


Lisa said...

LOL! How 'bout a dish of Knockers Neapolitan?

Side note- did anyone at PETA even consider the COST of using breast milk?? It sells for about $1.50 an OUNCE online. Regular milk is maybe $3.50 a gallon, or $0.027 an ounce.

AnnEE said...

Ok, I have some questions about this contest- do we only get one try, or can we have a few??? Because I already have one in mind, but I want to wait until it's my BEST if we only get one. I've never won anything, you see. :)

Lacking Productivity said...

Again, you are not the girl I thought you were. I adore you.

We had this conversation with my family last Sunday and I was dying.

I will have my thinking bra on and will return later...we have a running list on the board in our kitchen.

Marelize said...

I vote for "Poor- mommy- who- had- to- pump- all- this- milk Supreme". I think it was a man who came up with this idea.

By the way, Target has been open since Tuesday but didn't tell anyone. Yep, I was pretty annoyed. Just a little tif in my relationship with Target.

Melanie said...

Okay, so far we have only come up with two. Here they are:

The first one is a play off of the ice cream Cherry Garcia - and instead call it Mary Garcia. The picture on the front of the carton would be a nice hispanic woman (take no offense please.

The second one is in the place of Cookies-n-Cream, called Cleavage-n-Cream.

Scotty and Meg said...

Okay, we have our caps on. We will be back. This is hilarious.

Camille said...

The first thing I thought of after reading this is an addiction helper-- Vanilla Wean.:)I will think of more though!

Melanie said...

How about Hot Fudge Hooter Heaven! Awww, the possibilities are endless when making ice cream with breast milk.

Chanel said...

Ok, You're just getting us started:
Declan says- Betty Boop Buttercup

I say- Nutty Nipples, Peanut Butter Ice cream bursting with nuts and and nipple shaped peanut butter filled chocolate pieces

or how about- Titillating Toffee Crunch, Your senses will be aroused as your mouth is filled with luscious chunks of creamy toffee in a refreshing vanilla cream

one more for now- Strip-a-rella Surprise, Pure euphoria overtakes your body as you strip away layer after layer of sweet surprises in this ice cream.

More to come!!!

Chanel said...

Ok, a couple more:
Mom says- Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder Berry Bust- Heavily laden with a double portion of berries that leave you feeling loaded down

Declan says- Bodacious Babes' Brownie Balls- so crazy no description needed

or- Push-up Pralines and Cream- An old time southern favorite

Mom- A Nibble of those Naughty Knockers- In the passion of the night don't forget those sinful nibbles of delicious delights

and- Moo, Moo, Mammary Mocha-
The perfect pick me up at any time of the day

mine: Milk Duct Delight- A creamy chocolaty ice cream loaded with caramel bits that, when bitten into, release a refreshing burst of warm cream

Now Diet flavors:

mom- Masactomy Marvel, Trick your taste buds into thinking there really is something there

mine- Steph's Surprise, Just when you think you have a bowl full of delicious refreshment, it magically drys up

Clogged Duct Delight- (The Diet version of our popular flavor Milk Duct Delight)A creamy chocolaty ice cream loaded with caramel bits (sorry, in the diet version the caramel is, unfortunately, clogged, thus prohibiting the burst of refreshing cream; and, in most cases, leaving you with a fever and the chills)

Decota says "you need help"
Cambria says she wasn't here!

Stephanie said...

Andrew - Tit Roof Sundae

Stephanie said...

Racky Titty Fresh and Fruity

Stephanie said...

Boob Tracks

bones chick said...

Double D Dough- Cookie dough made with milk from DD's

Tart Titties - lemonade flavor, 'cause when life gives lemons

Fudge Nipple- Fudge ripple but instead of a ripple of fudge, nipples of fudge

Those who know Scott and I know that creativity doesn't come easily so we'll strain for a few more

bones chick said...

Nipple Dynamite- replace neapolitan dynamite

Lisa said...

Reese's Peanut Butter D-Cup

Ali Flegal said...

Oh gosh, I'm dying of laughter. I don't know if I'll be able to top any of these, but will leave another comment if inspiration hits...

Scotty and Meg said...

Okay, here are our names for the contest:

Nipple Nummy
Hooter Hoedown
MaaaMaaa Melon Meltdown

Chocolate Chip Boobie Blast
and my personal favorite...
Areola Delight!

AnnEE said...

No one can top Chanel. I tried. I was thinking about Nutty Nipples, but alas, she had already stolen it. THis is hilarious!!

Angie said...

What about Tutti fruitie fresh and nudie?

BERRETTS said...

Here's what Sherry and I came up with. (if we've repeated someone else's, we apologize!)

*French Maid Vanilla
*Oreo Aerola
*Bra-Berries and Cream
*Smuggled Raisins
*Cinnamon Sag
*Sweet Honey Honeydew
*Bra-Zilian Nut!
*Booble Gum
*Va-Va-Voom Chocolate Buzooms!

These, of course, come in a variety of sizes: B-Cup, C-Cup, and doubley-delicious Double D-Cup!

But why stop with the standard line? Why not create a whole seasonal campaign?!

For starters, this season's favorite: Boob-berries.

Last season's beach flavor: Nudy-Fruity (Cute Butootie!)

Spring: Spring is Busting Out All Over. Buttons Are Flying All Around!

Easter: Playboy Bunny Tracks

Christmas: Peppermint Pasties or Spicey Vixen

Thanksgiving: I Call the Breast!

BERRETTS said...

Sherry also thinks we should offer free sili-cones.

Lacking Productivity said...

I know it's too late but...

My husband and I took a few minutes to brainstorm, though it's a weaker attempted than I had hoped, here we go.

First off, the line of flavors is Baby's Choice.

The tag line would be Baby Tested, Father Approved.

Some of the flavors might include:
Double D-Lite
Silicone Sunday
Suckling Strawberry Swirl
Mommy's Chocolate Milk
Nursing Nugat
Lactate Lemon
Mommy Mounds
Berry Breast