Saturday, October 18, 2008

I'm in denial.

I have to be. If I wasn't in denial, I would be falling apart.

Andrew is leaving in the morning. At 5:45am, I am officially on my own. I can't put into words how I feel about this. I am so excited for him - he gets to visit 4 countries on this trip alone, and probably see cool things.

We have spent the day preparing for him to leave. We went and bought him a camera (because the scrapbooker in me INSISTED that he take pictures of every place he goes) and a bunch of other stuff. Oh, and he is the best husband ever because he surprised me by replacing our stolen GPS. If I'm going to be lonely, at least I won't be lost and lonely.

We went to dinner at Ruby Tuesday, one of our new favorite places. It's especially awesome because of the salad bar selections for Eva - she was in heaven with the craisins, sunflower seeds, peas, oranges, and cheese that we piled on her plate.

But now the day is coming to an end and our last few hours together are here. And tomorrow morning before the sun even comes up, he'll walk out that door, off to travel the world, and leave me. I'm dreading the silence that will follow the sound of the closing door. My empty house and my sleeping children, waiting for me to pull myself together, say a quick prayer, and assume my new role as a husbandless military wife.

I'm going to be fine - I know I will. It's just coming up on the transition that is making me shake in my boots. Except I'm not wearing boots because we have a no-shoes-in-the-house policy. But if I were wearing shoes of any kind, they would be visibly quivering. It's not until I started writing that my anxiety finally came to the surface. So maybe if I stop writing, my anxiety will go away again. I think I'll try that.


AnnEE said...

Steph, do you have Verizon? If not, you must call me at any moment you feel lonely, because my husband's always gone, too. I'm dying for you- you are so brave.

Call me, I'll make you laugh, promise!! (I'll facebook you my number!)

Amanda said...

Well you know, we kind of live just up the road. So if you need company, drop me a line! 410-504-4944

Lisa said...

When your hubby gets home and sees how well you handled everything, you will feel so proud of yourself and you will KNOW that you can do this for each deployment in the future. It does not mean you don't need him; believe me, you'll be more than ready for a break, but you will have so much confidence in your family.

Oh, and be glad you are in a nice new house! When my husband left for the first time (3 months) within ONE WEEK the car, the computer and the washing machine all broke down. Seriously??? Anyway, best wishes to you! Love ya!

Watts Family said...

Ahh girl I know that you can do it. You ARE super woman! I am here for you if you need anything. I will even jump on a plane if you needed that too.
Miss you soooooooo much.

Lindsay & Kenny Weston said...

Oh Steph I think you will realize how strong you truly are. Sometimes it takes a trial like this to bring it out and prove itself, but I have always admired you for how strong of a person you are. Still though, I wish we lived closer just so you could have more company. Kenny was gone this past week and I sure got lonely for him, but I only have one child to take care of. Please call if you need or want to. Oh and Kenny ran into Aaron Fisher the other day and they made the connection that he was married to me, and I'm your sister...anyway he says hi. Remember him? I don't, but I just remember you and Shirls talking about him.

Christine said...

Aww Stephanie, you're strong. You've always been an inspiration to me and I know you are going to be fine. I love reading your blog. It always makes me smile and puts me in a better mood.