Momentary wish for role reversal

I called my out-of-town husband this morning.

he answered, "Hello?"

"Hi honey! Whatcha doing?"

"Just walking around Best Buy. Can I call you back in a minute?"

As I hung up the phone, it hit me for the first time. Sometimes I am envious of Andrew.

He gets to leave all the time. He sees fun things and goes new places. He can go into Best Buy without worrying if we have enough formula or a sippy cup in the diaper bag. He can go days without thinking about a diaper change. He can leave us behind and then come back refreshed, with new experiences under his belt.

I can't do that. It is my (chosen) lot in life to be home with my kids. Every hour, every minute, every day. Sometimes (like this morning) I think I am going to give both of them away just to get a few minutes of peace.

But the irony is that, any time I get that rare opportunity to be away from my kids more than a few hours, I miss them. I crave to see them and hold them. No matter how bonkers they drive me, I can't be apart from them for too long.

And in that way, I guess Andrew should envy me. (He probably doesn't, but I'm just saying.) I never miss a thing. I hear every single cute thing Eva ever says, and I see almost every one of Leighton's beautiful smiles. No, I can't go to Best Buy at the drop of a hat (or anywhere, for that matter) without loads of planning and preparing. But I can - and do - have the luxury of sitting around the house for hours every morning, just enjoying my kids. I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to.

So I guess I am more suited to my role than I would be to Andrew's. Although it would be nice to go shopping alone...