Sunday, April 5, 2009

I'm about to throw up on you.

Apparently I'm having a really emotional day. I didn't realize that it's probably hormones until just a few minutes ago when I was reading Eva a story before bed - Sandra Boynton's Not the Hippopotamus - and I started crying. For no reason. I am one day past the halfway point of Andrew's 2 week trip, and I'm trying to muster up strength to do even one more day. It feels like he's been gone half an eternity already and I still have almost another week.

General Conference today and yesterday was incredible - the best session of my life so far, I'm sure. I took 12 pages of notes and felt great. But, thanks to my strange emotional balance today, I felt horrible afterwards, and completely overwhelmed by everything I need to be doing that I'm not. And yet I should be happy, because I haven't lost a child or a spouse or anything else remotely difficult, comparatively. So I felt even worse for feeling depressed, because I really have nothing to be depressed about.

Good day to pick to blog, huh? I'm not looking for sympathy, really - I'm just having an exhausting day. And I want to verbally vomit somewhere. Since my husband is in an unnamed war zone at the moment, I chose my blog readers as my proverbial toilet bowl. Sorry.

The weather was amazing today - I could hardly believe it was Washington. Actually, it was hot. I had my fans on and everything. It became a little bit of a problem when I let Eva play in the backyard and was continually chasing her and thinking for sure this time she would be gone for good. She has NO fear and wanders far every time. We desperately need a fence - I'm glad this early good weather showed me that before it's summer and it's almost too late to fence her in.

I made babyfood. It felt good. Leighton is finally eating. Come to think of it, I don't think I blogged about that. There have been a ton of things lately that I haven't blogged about. I just haven't had the mental energy, I guess. Pathetic, I know. Anyway, he went for almost 2 weeks without eating, and last week went back to normal. One of the more frustrating times in my parenting career, to be certain. Thank heaven it's over.
When I walked in the computer room just now, I found an empty bagel bag on the desk. Strange, there had been 2 left this afternoon. Then I found them - stale, ripped into pieces on the floor, and plucked of every last raisin. Thanks, Eva. What good is a cinnamon raisin bagel without the bagel?

That's all, I guess. Thanks for listening.


Samye said...

No fun rotten day!! Bummer that your hubby is out of town...those are always hard! You know, that if you ever want to escape you are MORE than welcome to come to Vegas for a is nice and warm...and the kids can all play together so we can do nothing!! (And it is always nice to have company!)

Hope your week looks should hire a babysitter for yourself one night this week...i did it a while ago and it felt SO nice!!!

Emily said...

You may not have lost a child or spouse, but your trials are very real and difficult. Life is hard, and though you may feel that there is so much more for you to be doing, realize that you are doing the most important work - teaching and training your children.

I hope that you can find peace in spite of missing your husband. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Ali said...

"verbally vomit" - oh dear, I could read you all day long.

I'm sorry but I think having your spouse flying in an unnamed war zone is more than enough reason to worry/stress/etc... I get that way when my spouse leaves on boy scout campouts. You're amazingly strong and your husband is a hero.

I loved Elder Hollands talk.. it was "to the lonely" and he listed off specific groups of people. Although I have my family, I still was incredibly touched by his words.

I related to this post so much, despite my husband being here. Being alone with your kids is difficult, no matter how much you love them. There's no one there to give you a mental reprieve when you need it.

Call me if you need to pass time. I'd love it.

Lacking Productivity said...

You have a million things on your plate and nobody to pawn things off on, yet you are doing an incredible job dealing with every bit of it.

Keep up the excellent work!

Elise said...

Wasn't the story Pres. Monson told the saddest story you've ever heard? I had to really reign in the tears...

I don't envy your husband-less state--hang in there! Do what Samye says and hire a babysitter for yourself this week!

Eva's hair looks curlier than ever in that picture! So cute!

Charity said...

Steph, You are so great. I love to read your blog. I think its hard after a long day of my hubby being gone- I think you have every reason to be emotional. I know I would be. Keep it up. (a babysitter isn't a bad idea- do it!)