I am not a finisher.
There have been countless things in my life that I have left unfinished. Books. Diets. Laundry. Online classes. Dishes. Journals. Conversations.
A few things I've finished of my own choice. High school. College. A 5K. (Barely made that one.)
And then there have been a few things that I have been forced into finishing. Pregnancy, for one. (I was incredibly grateful for healthy babies, one in particular who WAY overstayed her welcome in my body.) Chores.
And now it comes down to this. The hardest thing I've ever done in my life: Andrew's deployment. Whether I will finish it, I have no choice. He will be gone the full 4 months whether I like it or not. My choice lies in what I do about that. I can kick and scream and complain and cry, or I can hold my head high and do with dignity what needs to be done. I would love to say at the end of this, "I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." (2 Tim. 4:7)
I'm now two days past our mark of the longest Andrew and I have ever been apart. And I have to say, I feel like I'm doing remarkably well. I haven't had a single moment where things got so hard with the kids that I couldn't do it anymore. I haven't cried myself to sleep or fallen into the depths of depression like I thought I might.
But it's certainly not due to my own strength; it's those ministering angels that I was promised would watch over me. I have yet to feel abandoned or helpless. Although we're only 16 days into this deployment, with plenty more to go, I'm feeling good. I'm living proof that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Phil. 4:13)
4 comments:
These posts make me cry. You don't have to kick and scream, but it kind of makes me want to for you.
So, you be noble, and I'll do the complaining, in your behalf. (And plenty of praying for you.)
You are amazing.
If you can finish having you husband gone like you do, it doesn't matter if you finish anything else. Completing the laundry, only leaves more to do later. Completing the dishes will only make more to put away. Completing a diet plan will only make you hungry. What you are enduring is molding you and your family, and whether or not you finished that book on the shelf won't matter.
You are one powerful woman.
Stephanie, thanks for sharing these thoughts. I admire your faith through this. I think it's ok if you have yourself a good cry every once in a while. I probably would every day he was gone! And that's why I could never do it like you. :)
Steph you are amazing and i am so proud of you for handling all of this so well. I love reading your blog.
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