Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Won't you be my neighbor?

(Warning: This post contains rather graphic mental images. If you are easily offended, please click away. If you want a good laugh, please read on.)

Tonight the kids were playing happily, so I took that opportunity to go use the facilities, as civilized people say. Seconds after sitting down, Eva came in. "Mama, you going potty?" I told her that I was. Leighton heard the conversation and came toddling in to join us. Within seconds, a fight escalated between them, and they both were crying at my knees. I growled in annoyance and said loudly while looking to the heavens for an answer, "Can't I even poo in peace?" Then I looked over and saw that my window was open. I guess even my neighbors can't have peace while I poo, since I'm broadcasting it to the whole neighborhood. That was slightly mortifying.

But the story doesn't end there. No, the fun continues. Just as I was finishing up my business, the phone rang. Thinking it would be Andrew, I dashed from the bathroom to grab the phone, hopping over my kids' heads, with all my clothes down around my knees. (It was a slow, cumbersome dash.) So you can imagine my anger when I saw that it wasn't Andrew, but a solicitor who has been calling at the worst times for the past week or two. I answered the phone with every intention of yelling at the telemarketer. But alas, I was denied even that pleasure as it was an automatic recording. I growled again and slammed the phone back down.

I hobbled back to the bathroom to see my kids staring at me in confusion. Eva said, "Mama, are you naked?" I pulled my pants back up and said, "Yes, Eva. I'm naked."

Bet you're glad you're not my neighbor.

6 comments:

Lacking Productivity said...

How I adore hearing about your life!

Our new place has a million windows, which I was really excited about, until I realized that everyone can see you do everything, especially at night. I don't ever want to know what my neighbors have seen. I prefer being ignorant.

Katie said...

Seriously, things like that only happen to you! At least Eva's very attentive!

Lindsay and Kenny Weston said...

HAHAHA! Oh I wish I could hang out at your house for a couple days :)

HayHay said...

Oh Stephanie, I wish with all my heart I was your neighbor. If I was I'd be cracking up every day, and we could just have a blast together. I love the story.

Melanie said...

Stephanie, you need to write a book. Your posts NEVER cease to leave me laughing hysterically. Thank you for all the mental images of your bathroom experience. I truly did enjoy it (it a non-sick, strictly humor type way). :o)

Jennifer Jamieson said...

I love this Stephanie!