So yes, we are home. Glorious home - I love it here. I always come back from trips with a renewed love for home. I have been in a frenzy of...things. Cooking, crafting, organizing, scrapbooking, making Christmas presents...I love it all. I'm keeping busy, and when it comes to the end of the day and I have my time alone to spend as I wish, I find myself dreading my self-imposed 10pm deadline to stop and go to bed. Today I pulled every single scrapbook page I've ever made out of their plastic homes and resorted them into new piles. I am officially throwing out all chronology from my scrapbooks, and I feel so free. I am implementing Stacy Julian's Library of Memories system, which I have been working on for over a year but am now finally willing and ready to invest the time and money that it will take.
Anyway, what I intended to say is that I have become one of those moms I swore I would never be. Allow me to explain. I sorted my layouts into stacks - a stack for Andrew, a stack for me, a stack for Eva, and a stack for Leighton. When I had finished, I stepped back to look at my work. And I realized that while Eva's pile was toppling over, Leighton's was looking a little slim. I counted how many pages I have done about my darling boy and almost felt physically ill when I realized: there were 5. 5 pages about him, and he is over 13 months old. Pathetic - that's all it is. It's not that I haven't scrapbooked - I have. (Mostly pages about the family rather than one individual.) It's not that I love him less.
As I pondered on this on our walk tonight, I got to thinking. The more kids you have the more your love can expand. You don't love one less than the other. But you DO pay less attention to each one. Where your love is multiplied, human nature dictates that your time and attention are divided. There is no way around it. It's the sad truth, my friends. But I commit to filling up my Leighton pages before baby #3 makes an appearance. (No, I'm not pregnant. Just sayin'.)
Today marks 7 weeks that Andrew has been gone - we are almost halfway. Only 11 more to go until he comes home.