I had that feeling as I drove away from the house this morning - that feeling of slight uneasiness you inevitably get when you've had a big list of things to pack but feel certain you must have forgotten at least one of them.
I was on my way to the gym. I was planning to head straight from the gym to base for Leighton's 1 year well-baby appointment, so I brought everything I needed to shower and get ready for the day away from home.
As I merged onto the interstate, I mentally ran through the things I needed and had packed. Hair straightener, facewash...oh, I forgot a hair brush! Oh well - I would make do without one. Part of the beauty of short hair. Clothes, clean underwear, makeup - shoes! I forgot shoes. Then I remembered I had randomly been keeping a pair of sandals in the car. For such a time as this, as the biblical saying goes. Having run through the list, I felt confident I had everything. I pushed the uneasy feeling aside and continued on my merry way.
Oh, how I love my gym. The kids love playing at childcare, and I love playing on the exercise equipment and getting a break from them. I dropped them off, waved goodbye, and went off to get some cardio in - riding the stationary bike while reading Jane Eyre. After that, I headed to the women's only workout room to lift weights (because I'm insecure like that and wouldn't feel comfortable lifting my 5 pounds in front of all the men) and do some ab work. Feeling pretty good, I went to the locker room to shower.
Inside my stall, I prepared all my things - hung my towels over the door, put my sandals on the floor, got my shirt and shorts ready to put on...and then I realized what I had forgotten. A BRA.
I forgot to bring a bra. Feelings of panic ran through my mind. What could I do? I had no time to go home and get one before the dr. appt. I was not about to stay in my rather immodest and sweaty sports bra/tank top in public.
I let the warm water run over me as I laughed to myself. I thought, I can't believe I'm really about to free-boob it. Just recently, I told someone the story of the time in college when I got to class and realized I had forgotten to put a bra on. But that was then, this is now. Back then I definitely did not have 2 kids, and gravity hadn't yet taken its heavy toll on the girls, if you know what I mean. It is SO much less acceptable for this to happen now.
But I was left with no option. I had to giggle nervously as I slipped my shirt on and walked out of the shower stall. I carefully glanced around to see if anyone would stare at me. Was it obvious? I looked in the mirror as I blow dried my hair. Not too bad, actually. If you had never seen me with a (PADDED) bra on, you might not notice the difference.
As I picked up the kids and ran the errands of the rest of the morning, I felt like I had a special secret. Or maybe it wasn't a secret. Maybe everyone knew it, and it was the first thing they said at the dr's office after I walked out of the building. "Did you see how she wasn't wearing a bra? How indecent! And she being a mother of two...what a shame!" Maybe. But probably not.
Back home, I must admit that I still have not put one on. I secretly hate them, and if I can get away with not wearing one for a day, then I will. I feel strangely...free.
All I can say is, it's a good thing I'm not well-endowed. Just for today, I'm thankful for the curse of flatness.
But tomorrow, a bra will definitely be the first thing I pack in my gym bag.